how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
