just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'm both gender and math confused
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
