Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
