sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
