he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Randomize
