he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He better not be in your backpack
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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