so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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