my vag is so smooth its legendary
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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