He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
