My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
