you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
So much rum. So many feels.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
