i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
