If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
