He asked to "fluff my boner.."
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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