Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
