Where did you get a picture of my penis
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
