go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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