I just made out with a guy for $7.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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