dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
