I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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