I checked into jail on foursquare
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
