Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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