I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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