Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Go christen that room with your naked body.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
