shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
