I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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