Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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