The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
