; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
