I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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