You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
