ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Found your dick twin last night
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
