dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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