Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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