8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
birth control should be required to get into college
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
