I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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