i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Randomize
