She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
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I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
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U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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