i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
