HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
