Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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