i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
