i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
