I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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