even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
