And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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