i jhust puked up my retainher.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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