I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
