Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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