i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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