What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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