I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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