i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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