I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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