Do you still have your period?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
