why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
