that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
