I just made out with a guy for $7.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
