Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
