Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
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I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize