So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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