Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
