Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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