ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
