Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
